Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
