I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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