I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize