i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
