I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize