You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
