I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
