Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
