haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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