i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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