Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize