Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
