Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
