A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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