i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
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He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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