Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
