i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
