take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
