Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
