and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
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I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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