I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Acid is not a monday night drug
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
