operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
