i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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