It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
