i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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