Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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