I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Everclear isn't food dammit
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
