i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
