dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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