In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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