My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
