Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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