I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
