I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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