How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
