Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
