I wanna bring you to show and tell
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
