Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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