don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
