You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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