It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
