That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
