I look better un-naked...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize