I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
