3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
