Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
