I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
