Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
