So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
