After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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