yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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