So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
