There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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