first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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