Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
