Plan B is the new Plan A
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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