dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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