The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
