Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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