So drunk its hurt
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
